women – Flower for power

Parenting an adhd child.

So today is one of these days where I cry in the kitchen. I feel drained and lonely. And I have no-one to talk to. This is not unusual, but luckily we do have better periods to. But this is one of these shitstorms as I like to call them. In writing this maybe I’m able to sort my thoughts and maybe another mother can feel less alone then I do right now.

My child is most of the time a loving, creative and outgoing child. Emotional regulation has always been hard and to day was one of the days where he takes it out on me. Already when we woke up this morning everything went wrong. His clothes was wrong, the food and my voice was wrong. I prepared his school lunch and tried to stay out of the way so that he didn’t bring his anger to school.

When back from school I walked to greet him as I wished to have a nice time and play outdoors with him. He wanted no help from me, but he was happy playing in the snow. As soon as he got in, it all started again. And now I dread the weekend as my husband leaves for work.

I do everything for my kids. I love and guide them as well as I can. I’m no perfect parent. I don’t “belive” in such a thing. I am educated in child development, but this verbal abuse(and sometimes physical)… I don’t know what to do and it sucks. The parents that tell me it’s not so bad to raise an adhd child(possibly with autism too) obviously don’t raise one…

What hurts the most these days is that he shuts down. Won’t listen to anything, screams and treathen. He will say anything to make others hurt to. Most of all me. I feel childish. It hurts when he talks negative about everything and everything I do. And I just don’t understand why. Is he overwhelmed, is something troubling him or am I just the failure that he tells me?

It’s also frustrating how others seem to have the need to normalize this. All parents struggle, and raising kids is hard on everyone. My child is wired differently than most. And when I tell you it’s hard. Would you please just listen and support? When I tell you it’s hard, I’m not saying my child isn’t wonderful, cool, kind, and fun. I’m telling you, I get tired, that I give my all to this wonderful human being. I give everything and yet it is not enough. I need to refuel myself and feel appreciation. Please don’t take my honesty as criticism towards my child. It’s my way of telling you I struggle. I could need your help. To do an activity without kids, that you accept the turbulence it might be to be with us. To show interest and to refuel both me and my family with positive experiences. It takes a village to raise a child it’s said.

Where is my village?

Norwegian artist my “go to” music.

I want to share this amazing Norwegian singer/ songwriter with you. ❤ Siri Nilsen ❤ sings in Norwegian, but in my opinion her songs are so well composed, that they can touch you, without understanding the lyrics.

This particular song is(in my head) about not finding your path. You do the same repetitive mistakes. You’ve heard all the same advice befor. It seems like everybody has it all, get’s to where they want to be, and you just seem to get lost every time.

I think this is much like how the world today works. We are all on social media, showing only our best sides of life, or the vulnerable side, but only in a way that makes us look strong or independent. Like a constant job interview. We seek to get what we think others have, but yet a lot of us “fail”.

Is it so bad? Getting somwhere different than you planned? Discover new and surprising places? Isn’t that what life is all about? Listen to this song of Siri Nilsen and I will try to translate the lyrics below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT3GuRQuV48

Where should you go? All the roads lead you to the wall. The wall contains old marks, of previous meetings with your forehead. Who do you listen to? When everyone is telling you the truth, but you’ve been told it all before. You keep wondering where to go, you need a new path now. The trains go as planned. People seem to get to where they want. You keep waking somewhere other than you planned. How far can hope take you, when you think your gonna make it this time, but you always take the same path. And you wonder; where you should go, you need a new path now. When you cannot take struggle anymore. You close your eyes and all you see is black, there is no markings on your map. Who is in on this fight. Who are you meeting for duel. The only one you keep meting is yourself. Again and again. How far can you go, how many times can you take path, again and again. You ask in your clearest voice. Where should I go

Reminds me of many life aspects. Like parenting. You think you know how to behave, how to guide. And yet, you continue using methods you don’t like. Or as I told my pre-teenager. “I’m sorry. I don’t yet own the tools, or have the skills on how to meet your needs and behavior right now. I have no good tools in my system. I’ll work on getting better”.

We parent differently than our parents(or most of us do). I am educated in child development. But I continue falling in to behavior that I was met with growing up. But I don’t want my kids raised like that. I want them to know there is always room for them, every part of them. Good and bad. Nothing can change my love for them. I want them to be kind. But not to put others over their own needs or beliefs. I want them to say no. To care for others, but not carry the weight of others problems.

I fail sometimes. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I apologize. I promise my self to grow. And be patient. With them AND my self. We are all leaving the train at the wrong station every now and then. The right station might even be closed. Sometimes we make mistakes. It doesn’t define us. It makes us more reflected, more aware. Keep awake next time, don’t fall asleep. Or maybe you find something you need.

Ask for directions. When you feel lost. Tell someone. Maybe they see things differently, maybe they’ve been at the wrong stop to. Maybe they know of beautiful places at your destinations?

I am cheering for you! Mistakes makes you better with people. Don’t judge others or yourself. Give guidance!

Be generous with your self. Make mistakes. It shows your kids (and other people) it’s okay. Admit flaws! Give yourself time and love to get it right! Or seek joy and growth in your challanges.

Flower for power

In a world of turbulence. In a world where society desides how you should look, dress and present yourself.

In a world filled with people in powerfull posisitions making poor desicions on behalf on all living creatures. War, pollution, jealusy, greed, ego, stress and poor politics… In a world where many stand alone in everyday stuggles. Where people are being silenced when standing up for human rights.

Where countries choose to undermine their people. Where people in power decide over girls education, self determination and liberation. Where women are told to be pretty, sucsessful, a good wife, a good mother and a professional. Pressure to be productive, happy, calm and sucsessfull. Contribute to society.

Be a flower. Any flower.

A rose or sunflower . Be a weed if you like. A wild plant growing where it is not wanted and in competition with cultivated plants. Grow and bloom in what ever way you can. Be colorful, fragile, friendly and useful. Spred joy to those that need your compassion, colors and growth. Spred love, wisdom and keep growing stronger.

Together the flowers can take the beating of the storm. And stretch for the sun when the storm has passed.

If you like me live in a place where flowers only bloom a couple of months a year. Be a snowfalke;

My feelings aren’t fragile

my heart isn’t bleeding.

I am a badass beliver in human rights.

My toughness is my tenderness.

My strenght is in the service of others.

There is nothing more fierce than formidable, unconditional love.

There is nothing more couragious than compassion.

But if my belief in equity, empathy, goodness and love indeed makes me or people like me snowflakes…

Then you should know…

WINTER IS COMING.

(Don’t know who to credit for this small game of thrones inspired poem, but I love it. Had to get it in there )