The understanding adult in kindergarden doesn’t need to be a educational personnel! It takes an open heart

(although educatied adults are crutial in every institution that involves kids or other humanbeings).

How an assistant managed in one week, what permanent staff failed to do for a year.

First year in kindergarden was a nightmare. Several times a week they would call me. Told me he was unhappy, mabye sick. Crying a lot. I left work early to get him. The moment he saw me, he was joyful, happy, playful and well. They just couldn’t make him feel safe. They failed to engage him in their activites and the overlooked his challanges, not able to form their structure or activities to connect with him.

At one time they had an assistent for a week. She sat with him on her lap. Singing directly into his ear. Holding him close to her. Connected. He was smiling, leaning towards her, saying “more”. I was so happy. I even cried, I think. She told me “he needs me to be close. He asks me to sing again and again. He is so sweet. If I stop he gets miserable. He needs to at least hold my hand. So that we are physically connected “.

As the permantent staff problematised his behavoir, his tendensy to disrupt, not sitting still, hitting, not listening to commands and running away. They blamed it on poor behavior and bad parenting. I’m not joking. They said it was “suspicious” that he hit. Hinting that we might hit him and therefore he hit.

One to two years old hit. It’s communication! They don’t have the language skills and get out their frustration in hitting. Nothing weird about it. Also(we didn’t know at the time) he had loss of hearing. I don’t know how many times I’ve told coworkers and parents this.

Young children hit, its our job to understand why and help them communicate differently. Punishment is not the way. Neither is shame. We need to show that we understand, or try to. A toddler needs to be met and understood to develop good communication skills. Their expirience and feelings must be acknowleged for them to listen to ways to communicate their needs.

This lady looked at what she could do for him. She changed the structure of his day, changed her ways and met his needs. She worked to get connected. Gave safety and protection. The staff gave her a hard time told her she shouldn’t cuddle him and entertain him like that. They never used her as an assistant again. And they kept failing to meet his needs.

If you as an adult sees a child “acting out”. Not behaving as expected. You need to look at how to change the demands or structure around the child. It’s not for the child to change. They do not still have the tools to. To change behavior we need to change the surroundings and expectations.

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the enviromente in which it blooms. Not the flower(alexander den hejer).

Ps. I am considering writing in my own language. My english is not that good, but I hope there are not too many big writing errors…