Category Archives: wellbeing

Norwegian artist my “go to” music.

I want to share this amazing Norwegian singer/ songwriter with you. ❤ Siri Nilsen ❤ sings in Norwegian, but in my opinion her songs are so well composed, that they can touch you, without understanding the lyrics.

This particular song is(in my head) about not finding your path. You do the same repetitive mistakes. You’ve heard all the same advice befor. It seems like everybody has it all, get’s to where they want to be, and you just seem to get lost every time.

I think this is much like how the world today works. We are all on social media, showing only our best sides of life, or the vulnerable side, but only in a way that makes us look strong or independent. Like a constant job interview. We seek to get what we think others have, but yet a lot of us “fail”.

Is it so bad? Getting somwhere different than you planned? Discover new and surprising places? Isn’t that what life is all about? Listen to this song of Siri Nilsen and I will try to translate the lyrics below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT3GuRQuV48

Where should you go? All the roads lead you to the wall. The wall contains old marks, of previous meetings with your forehead. Who do you listen to? When everyone is telling you the truth, but you’ve been told it all before. You keep wondering where to go, you need a new path now. The trains go as planned. People seem to get to where they want. You keep waking somewhere other than you planned. How far can hope take you, when you think your gonna make it this time, but you always take the same path. And you wonder; where you should go, you need a new path now. When you cannot take struggle anymore. You close your eyes and all you see is black, there is no markings on your map. Who is in on this fight. Who are you meeting for duel. The only one you keep meting is yourself. Again and again. How far can you go, how many times can you take path, again and again. You ask in your clearest voice. Where should I go

Reminds me of many life aspects. Like parenting. You think you know how to behave, how to guide. And yet, you continue using methods you don’t like. Or as I told my pre-teenager. “I’m sorry. I don’t yet own the tools, or have the skills on how to meet your needs and behavior right now. I have no good tools in my system. I’ll work on getting better”.

We parent differently than our parents(or most of us do). I am educated in child development. But I continue falling in to behavior that I was met with growing up. But I don’t want my kids raised like that. I want them to know there is always room for them, every part of them. Good and bad. Nothing can change my love for them. I want them to be kind. But not to put others over their own needs or beliefs. I want them to say no. To care for others, but not carry the weight of others problems.

I fail sometimes. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I apologize. I promise my self to grow. And be patient. With them AND my self. We are all leaving the train at the wrong station every now and then. The right station might even be closed. Sometimes we make mistakes. It doesn’t define us. It makes us more reflected, more aware. Keep awake next time, don’t fall asleep. Or maybe you find something you need.

Ask for directions. When you feel lost. Tell someone. Maybe they see things differently, maybe they’ve been at the wrong stop to. Maybe they know of beautiful places at your destinations? 

I am cheering for you! Mistakes makes you better with people. Don’t judge others or yourself. Give guidance!

Be generous with your self. Make mistakes. It shows your kids (and other people) it’s okay. Admit flaws! Give yourself time and love to get it right! Or seek joy and growth in your challanges.

Why I write(now)

My first reaction when I feel something is to say it or write it. I write on impulse, before I think. Problem is my thoughts are running in every direction.

ALL THE TIME!

Thoughts about something I just read or saw. A genius business idea(seriously! I just never come up with how to actually making a living out of it. I don’t need to make much, but I’d like to keep our home and keep everyone fed).

Always ideas about how politics should be arranged. How to actually create strategies to build a healthy and productive community.

Creative thoughts like music videos(never have I ever made any), a dance, a book, jewelry or furniture to rearrange or create.

I get impatient with my own ideas. When it comes to the income side of an genius business I just get so tremendously bored. Why oh WHY do I need that boring money bullshit? Can’t someone just buy into my business, preferably with a lifetime salary and I’ll make this shit work? I’ll save the government loads of money by opening my business. There is just so much nonsense in my way.

Can’t I just be the creative creator and get a team for all the other tasks?

It’s like, nowadays you need to be a doctor to get the right help. You need to know what to check and specifically ask for it. Like when I invited a firm to tell me what building works needed to be done in our basement. I asked for advice and then hired them to do it. Halfway in the process they ask me why I wanted the old insulation gone. Like…. I hired you …..”#’*¤ to tell me because I’m a freaking child welfare worker. I know NOTHING about this old basement rebuilding stuff.

Is nobody an expert any more? Everyone is just supposed to google their brains out and educate themselves to be advocates, doctors, carpenters and building workers to get thing done right!

I want to be good enough, but then I can’t know it all. I’m just one of the ones good at only at a few thing, and in those I can always be better.

And I want to be able to give my best to the parts of my life I choose. I can never be enough if I also need to be my own doctor, my kids teacher, my carpenter or advocate.

My own boss though…. I most definitely could do that! I will do that!

As soon as I can concentrate long enough to find an income side to it all!

Back to writing(LOL)

I wish to rediscover my love for writing, using my urge to express my thoughts. Maybe some of it might be constructive for someone. I fear being vulnerable, to share my advice and views on subjects. I fear being personal, real and direct. I am… to those who know me. I want to find new paths to walk(or write). Maybe I can wake the writing ideas. A professional subject text, a personal fiction text, a poem(like I used to love).

I think I am searching for a new passion.

Whilst writing good-enough… I got an idea to write about good-enough parenting! Will be getting back to that in a later post 😉