passion – Flower for power

The understanding adult in kindergarden doesn’t need to be a educational personnel! It takes an open heart

(although educatied adults are crutial in every institution that involves kids or other humanbeings).

How an assistant managed in one week, what permanent staff failed to do for a year.

I’ve worked with toddlers for five years, children with specialneeds for six years and children who cannot live with their families(for many different reasons) for five years. I also am raising two sons, one with adhd and possibly autism(highfunctioning). Turns out I too do have adhd.

First year in kindergarden was a nightmare. Several times a week they would call me. Told me he was unhappy, mabye sick. Crying a lot. I left work early to get him. The moment he saw me, he was joyful, happy, playful and well. They just couldn’t make him feel safe. They failed to engage him in their activites and the overlooked his challanges, not able to form their structure or activities to connect with him.

At one time they had an assistent for a week. She sat with him on her lap. Singing directly into his ear. Holding him close to her. Connected. He was smiling, leaning towards her, saying “more”. I was so happy. I even cried, I think. She told me “he needs me to be close. He asks me to sing again and again. He is so sweet. If I stop he gets miserable. He needs to at least hold my hand. So that we are physically connected “.

As the permantent staff problematised his behavoir, his tendensy to disrupt, not sitting still, hitting, not listening to commands and running away. They blamed it on poor behavior and bad parenting. I’m not joking. They said it was “suspicious” that he hit. Hinting that we might hit him and therefore he hit.

One to two years old hit. It’s communication! They don’t have the language skills and get out their frustration in hitting. Nothing weird about it. Also(we didn’t know at the time) he had loss of hearing. I don’t know how many times I’ve told coworkers and parents this.

Young children hit, its our job to understand why and help them communicate differently. Punishment is not the way. Neither is shame. We need to show that we understand, or try to. A toddler needs to be met and understood to develop good communication skills. Their expirience and feelings must be acknowleged for them to listen to ways to communicate their needs.

This lady looked at what she could do for him. She changed the structure of his day, changed her ways and met his needs. She worked to get connected. Gave safety and protection. The staff gave her a hard time told her she shouldn’t cuddle him and entertain him like that. They never used her as an assistant again. And they kept failing to meet his needs.

If you as an adult sees a child “acting out”. Not behaving as expected. You need to look at how to change the demands or structure around the child. It’s not for the child to change. They do not still have the tools to. To change behavior we need to change the surroundings and expectations.

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the enviromente in which it blooms. Not the flower(alexander den hejer).

Get your tools and get to it. Create better enviroment for a child who struggles to bloom. Adusjt the enviroment and expectations, not the child.

Ps. I am considering writing in my own language. My english is not that good, but I hope there are not too many big writing errors…

Why I write(now)

My first reaction when I feel something is to say it or write it. I write on impulse, before I think. Problem is my thoughts are running in every direction.

ALL THE TIME!

Thoughts about something I just read or saw. A genius business idea(seriously! I just never come up with how to actually making a living out of it. I don’t need to make much, but I’d like to keep our home and keep everyone fed).

Always ideas about how politics should be arranged. How to actually create strategies to build a healthy and productive community.

Creative thoughts like music videos(never have I ever made any), a dance, a book, jewelry or furniture to rearrange or create.

I get impatient with my own ideas. When it comes to the income side of an genius business I just get so tremendously bored. Why oh WHY do I need that boring money bullshit? Can’t someone just buy into my business, preferably with a lifetime salary and I’ll make this shit work? I’ll save the government loads of money by opening my business. There is just so much nonsense in my way.

Can’t I just be the creative creator and get a team for all the other tasks?

It’s like, nowadays you need to be a doctor to get the right help. You need to know what to check and specifically ask for it. Like when I invited a firm to tell me what building works needed to be done in our basement. I asked for advice and then hired them to do it. Halfway in the process they ask me why I wanted the old insulation gone. Like…. I hired you …..”#’*¤ to tell me because I’m a freaking child welfare worker. I know NOTHING about this old basement rebuilding stuff.

Is nobody an expert any more? Everyone is just supposed to google their brains out and educate themselves to be advocates, doctors, carpenters and building workers to get thing done right!

I want to be good enough, but then I can’t know it all. I’m just one of the ones good at only at a few thing, and in those I can always be better.

And I want to be able to give my best to the parts of my life I choose. I can never be enough if I also need to be my own doctor, my kids teacher, my carpenter or advocate.

My own boss though…. I most definitely could do that! I will do that!

As soon as I can concentrate long enough to find an income side to it all!

Back to writing(LOL)

I wish to rediscover my love for writing, using my urge to express my thoughts. Maybe some of it might be constructive for someone. I fear being vulnerable, to share my advice and views on subjects. I fear being personal, real and direct. I am… to those who know me. I want to find new paths to walk(or write). Maybe I can wake the writing ideas. A professional subject text, a personal fiction text, a poem(like I used to love).

I think I am searching for a new passion.

Whilst writing good-enough… I got an idea to write about good-enough parenting! Will be getting back to that in a later post 😉

Flower for power

In a world of turbulence. In a world where society desides how you should look, dress and present yourself.

In a world filled with people in powerfull posisitions making poor desicions on behalf on all living creatures. War, pollution, jealusy, greed, ego, stress and poor politics… In a world where many stand alone in everyday stuggles. Where people are being silenced when standing up for human rights.

Where countries choose to undermine their people. Where people in power decide over girls education, self determination and liberation. Where women are told to be pretty, sucsessful, a good wife, a good mother and a professional. Pressure to be productive, happy, calm and sucsessfull. Contribute to society.

Be a flower. Any flower.

A rose or sunflower . Be a weed if you like. A wild plant growing where it is not wanted and in competition with cultivated plants. Grow and bloom in what ever way you can. Be colorful, fragile, friendly and useful. Spred joy to those that need your compassion, colors and growth. Spred love, wisdom and keep growing stronger.

Together the flowers can take the beating of the storm. And stretch for the sun when the storm has passed.

If you like me live in a place where flowers only bloom a couple of months a year. Be a snowfalke;

My feelings aren’t fragile

my heart isn’t bleeding.

I am a badass beliver in human rights.

My toughness is my tenderness.

My strenght is in the service of others.

There is nothing more fierce than formidable, unconditional love.

There is nothing more couragious than compassion.

But if my belief in equity, empathy, goodness and love indeed makes me or people like me snowflakes…

Then you should know…

WINTER IS COMING.

(Don’t know who to credit for this small game of thrones inspired poem, but I love it. Had to get it in there )